Last Tues. morning I had yet another job interview. I... like other people try very hard to not get nervous but I always end up that way no matter how hard I work at relaxing. I figured out a plan early to help eliminate some of this since I had applied on line for this position by getting the directions from google maps and leaving plenty early for this morning of fun. I must admit that if I could of found google headquarters that morning someone would of gotten their google beat because I drove all over that fricken town looking for river street and never did find it. I finally stopped in a convenience store and got directions from a nice woman who told me to turn right at oak street. Hmmmm...river...oak...yep they sound allot alike and are spelled almost the same ...if you are in preschool.
This cost me almost every minute of the time I had to make my interview on time. So I was a tense, pissed off, mess by the time I wandered into the office and requested to see Judy the H.R. woman. Judy ran 20 minutes behind so my agitated mood became anxious. Finally she appears and we walk back to her office. The interview was like no other I have ever had.... with her explaining the two positions they are hiring for and then saying which one do you want? No questions of me...just hey ya want this job or that one. I was kinda thrown by this so I become a stammering, rambling, idiot. She is still smiling so I figure it is a real one or the one that H.R. people are taught in college for just such occasions. Kinda like the miss America contestant with their glued on grins. We finally agree that Judy will get a bit more info and call me the next day.
As she walks me back to the front lobby I am still in my tard mode and can't seem to shut up. I am staring at her height and finally am compelled to comment on it. I am 5 foot 9 and it is not often that I meet a woman taller then I so I say" man your tall".....I get a monotone "yep".....I then ask "you must be what.. 6 foot"....still a dead "yep" response.....I then manage to explain that it is not often I see a woman taller....blah.blah.blah......My brain is saying "shut up dumbass!"... but my mouth just keeps moving. Finally we make it to the lobby and I thank Judy and flee.
I walk all cool and shit to the car just in case she is staring at me out of one of her windows. I get in my car and think... your a fricken idiot....why did you keep talking? I then decide it would be better instead of banging my head on my steering wheel for Judy to see , to maybe get moving in case she has her sniper rifle out and I become the local news.
Wed. I sit on my farm waiting for the call back from Judy about the two positions. No call...........I was begining to really rip myself apart and to make matters worse I confided in my soul mate about how insecure I am about the end of my meeting with Judy. He being the kind and loving man that he is says" well you shouldn't of said "MAN YOUR A BIG BITCH!" ( har dee fu*cken har har).
Thursday Tam and I talk and I express the same concern to her...she says and I quote " You didn't call her a big bitch did you?"
Jeesh what the hell is wrong with my circle of support here? I said no but did laugh at how much her and Captain cool are alike. I sit all day Thursday waiting for that call..no call. Now I am sure that my big stupid mouth blew that easy wonderful chance I had. Thursday night Captain cool can't help himself but throw some more fun out and says I shouldn't of called her a monster......Comedian that man.
Friday I am a mess....I finally call over and leave a message with Judy's voice mail. I then jump in the shower....come out and she is on my answering machine....I could rip my hair out for showering....I call her back...Voice mail again....I sit the phone down and stare at it for an hour until she calls. She is all nice and shit and offers me a job in there graphic design dept. I am blown away since this wasn't even one of the two jobs I applied for. I am on cloud nine.
Captain cool calls at noon and I am rambling on about my new job and shit when he cuts me off and says So Big Bird liked you, huh? I laugh my ass off at this point when he says and the comment about "what the hell size feet are those anyway?" didn't wreck it for you? Ok......ok.I get it.....
Tam decides to three way in a call with Crystal that afternoon as we are laughing about the whole deal..Crystal pipes up with Sasquatch....lmao...no matter which direction ..comedians..all of 'em.
Anyway...I will start my new job with the amazon woman giving me orientation. So wish me luck.....I wonder if I should wear a high heel?
